Hubert, stop faking hunger!

Hubet used to get up in the middle of the night and ask my son to give him something to eat. My son, a pushover for animals, obliged but cursed the day of Hubet's transport to Jersey. But here's the clincher: last week, my son went with his girlfriend's family to P.R. on her graduation party--in that time, Hubet hasn't bothered anyone for midnight snacks.

What this tells me is that, if Hubet thinks he can get away with something, he will. If you present him with a dilemma like his customary afternoon snack never came and he cant' get at you to nudge your foot to get you going to do his bidding, he will fall back on a standard behavior like napping or taking a stroll but only if he has been well-fed. If he's really hungry, I don't think anything will deter him from his carb addiction.


Ever since learning of a pig's most "human" embryology, I have always elevated them amongst the other animals. Recently, though, I've been convinced that certain behavior is innate and nothing you do short of some Cesar Milan modification (yo, my man, don't take any grief from those University Brits who have no appreciation for the work you do), can change things. When Hubet is given food that he thinks he "found" by himself, he will, if you try to pick up any of his found food, snarl at you in such a manner that you instinctively withdraw your hand. When things like that happen, I repeatedly pound his forehead with the soft of my fist. This leviathan can hardly acknowledge it and must surely be thinking, "what the heck, I did see it first, grunt, grunt."

Hubet has gotten more respectful. Last year, he would have just plowed in to Grandpa Melnyk's tomatoes; this year, he travels a memorized route (I think he's at least partially blind). Some other animal, though, got his teeth on some peppers and Grandpa Melnyk built some barrier that the "Man against Wild" man would have built if he had been given an entire minute. Oh, you should see the ghetto in Old Man Melnyk's anti-Hubet fences: wire, old stakes, cardboard, scrap sheet metal. All personal filial people note, I really don't care if you step in front of train to save his life, I will tell the world the truth regardless of consequence--that's what writers and scientists do.